New job

So I started my new job at the University Counseling Center last week. My first few days here were spent getting oriented-- learning the fancy computer system they have (all files are electronic here, which will be awesome once I figure out how to work it, I think) and meeting the various staff. Melissa (my supervisor) is extremely helpful-- she spent three hours just training me on my first day. True to her word, she did not simply throw me into things (the way my previous clinical jobs have all done), but rather explained the procedures and even provided me with a written handbook, which clearly outlined things. It was unbelievable. When I needed to ask some questions I simply used the inter-office instant messaging program on the computer, and got helpful replies immediately.

Basically-- this is like another universe, filled with helpful aliens. The whole day I went about trying to soak in all the information, but also trying not to let on that I was flabbergasted at their behavior. I ate lunch with them in the staff room and tried not to let on that I was shocked. In many ways, this place seems too good to be true.

There were previews of this strange positivity during the interview, when Melissa and her coworker asked what I might want to learn from this practicum, or what I personally needed in supervision. I blinked a few times and struggled to come up with an answer that did not reference my current other supervisors, the one changed three times in the same year and never showed up, or the one who was a Freudian asshole who thought my client's problems related to her mother's vagina.

At the counseling center, they apparently believe in easing you into things and providing appropraite scaffolding. "If there is a suicidal client," Melissa explained, "you contact a senior staff member using the instant messaging... I'm not sure what your policy was about this at the clinic..." She pauses. "You don't want to know," I reply, not wanting to explain that we didn't really have a "policy" about anything at the clinic.

Of course, the fact that the counseling center appears to be so much more well-run also creates some stress for me. I am not used to working in such an environment and, frankly, it freaks me out. There are a thousand things to learn (as there are at any new job), but there is the added pressure of having to actually do things thoroughly and properly, which I am not used to. Writing client notes, for example, is an entirely different procedure here-- we type them and actually record helpful things rather than scribble illegibly on paper, as we were instructed to do at the clinic (to "protect confidentiality").

So far I have not seen but one client, and that meeting went okay, I suppose (though I was ridiculously nervous, as if it was the first client I ever saw). Today my supervisor was out sick and we had no intakes, sadly (I was supposed to shadow on those), so I spent the day doing random tasks, the most significant being that I decorated my office (that's the other thing-- I actually have my own office). It now looks pleasing, with photos of friends and family, a framed poster of lighthouses, a panorama of sunflowers, pictures of the mountains, and various art from my talented friends. :) On my desk is a photo of me and my grandmother, a shot of Emma wearing my sunhat, and one of Jes cradling her homegrown carrots. In the chair sits my Vincent VanGogh doll (with detachable velcro ear), who will soon be joined by his friend Freud, if I remember to bring him from home. The screen door in my office is open, letting in the summer air (and a few bugs, who crawl through the ripped holes in the screen).

Overall, I am still nervous and excited about this job. I still feel that my main task here will be to re-learn things, to untrain myself in many ways, to separate gradually from the negative and pejorative theory I've been exposed to (or rather-- my reactionary stance against it) and settle into a calmer clinical stance. I hope I am up for the challenge, approach the days with nervous anticipation. I am in my 5th and final year here, but feel as if I'm starting over. I guess my main feeling here is humbleness and newness, and hope.